Cant wait to see the back of 2020

 Well 2020 is almost done and like the vast majority of planet earth, i cant wait for it to be gone and 2021 to arrive.

 I hope 2021 sees Tia getting more time and getting out into the world.

 Ive been keeping busy with a lot of things very much not feminine, including a model rail hobby that has seen me start to build my own locomotives and rolling stock from kits. 
 My current living situation means i do not have the room to build and run my own layout, but i am a member of the local model engineering society and can use their OO/HO and N scale layouts. 

 I really should post more here and maybe even show off some of the models i am/have built this year.

Its been nearly a  year since I posted... hmmm I  must start doing more to post here.
  My year has been difficult, with my living situation I am not able to dress as freely as I used to, and I miss being able to come home and swap outer clothes from the menswear I have to wear to work for a nice pair of hose, a bra and dress, and to get some makeup and wig on.
  But on the flip side, I enjoy having a housemate to talk to and do social things with so I dress on the few days off work when my housemate is at work, which are few and far between.
  hopefully I get a chance to let Tia out in a few weeks as here in NZ we have been so far successful in stopping COVID-19, and I will finally get to take some time off work

More questions...

Once again, the posts are few and far between, and life is still getting in the way of me being Tia.
  Since my last post, the dreams have pretty much stayed on the same vanes, but a couple of times in the wedding one, especially when I am in the dress, I have managed to see who is on the other side of the veil and it has been the same person each time.  The amazing woman I first came out too, instead of being my maid of honour has been the one waiting at the altar for me, its a  little surprising to me since she is or was as I found out recently in a relationship and had been very happy.  Since I found out that she is single again, she has featured in more of my dreams...  a sign maybe???
   Any way, once again I sit with questions about me, my counsellor took the dreams as just that, dreams of a person who has been single a long time, and not really much to think about, although the fact I was the majority female did lead to asking more questions about my dressing and things, and when I said it had been months since I had a chance to fully dress, they did seem to think that its my subconscious trying to express the girl side of me.
  Once again on the personal side of things, I was away on vacation with family at Easter,with a plan to come out to my family at the end of the trip, but this all changed mid way through as my dad came down sick and ended up spending 2 days in hospital in the town where we were visiting, not a pleasant time at all, the docs diagnosed pancreatitis which is scary, and we got home after 2 days travelling, 2 days later dad was admitted to hospital, and has not left since, it has been a really stressful time, with dads pancreatitis being inflamed by gall stones, which have now been removed along with his gall bladder, but the docs have also said there is a chance he may need another operation or 2 to completely remove the infection related materials from his body.
  This has triggered my nervous and stress habit of picking and biting my nails, which now look bloody awful and have not had polish on them for a while much to my disappointment.
  The one thing that has been keeping me a little grounded is that apart from a few pairs of male underwear for sports, and going out with non aware friends, I wear girls underwear pretty much 6 days a week. Very comforting, and it helps me to relax a little, but I still look at other women and wonder how I would look wearing a particular dress or outfit, but then a few times I wonder is this all worth it and do I just put everything fem into bags and donate to charity.....
   More questions as always, and I am wondering if I will ever get the right time to come out to my family......

Further Questioning

Well, 2018 is nearly done and dusted and its been a bit rubbish for me.
 I haven't been able to dress anywhere as much as I want/need to as in early March my landlord announced a rental increase that made my neat little solo apartment unaffordable, but in a way it also came at a good time as a good friend bought a place so I moved in there, the downside is that instead of having an apartment to myself where I could leave clothes, shoes etc out all the time, I can no longer do that as my housemate I am pretty sure is unaware that I dress.
  Next downer for the year was my mom passing away, we knew for a long time that it was going to happen when she was diagnosed with MND in early 2017, but it happened a lot faster than we expected and I still have days where I miss her greatly and wish I had been able to tell her about my femme side before she passed.
   Now that the tough bits are out of the way, I have been having some really weird and interesting dreams lately, and I feel I need to write the basic plot line down and share.  
I have been single now for the best part of a decade, sure I have had a few flings and met a lot of people in that time, but nothing has lasted beyond either white hot lust or it simmered in to instant friendship or just never got going. While disappointing, its also been ok as those people obviously haven't come in and out of my life for a reason.
  The basic premise of the dream I have been having in one form or another now for a number of months is I am on vacation somewhere, but I am femme, I am definitely me, but I have most obvious breasts and some extra padding in the tush, but it is me. The locations have varied from a tropical island, to cities like NYC or Melbourne in Australia,  the UK, but the basic theme has always been I am feminine, the other part has always been that I am with other Trans/CD friends, and while part of these groups, be it lying on the beach, an ex, or friend has gone past me and looked, then very quickly come back and asked are you related to my male self, or you look just like an ex I dated or guy a knew.  Which leads to a slightly awkward actually I am (boy name) or used to be, I now...
 From this point there have been a few variations, such as an ex partner who I came out too before we broke up (we broke up because I found they were sleeping with another of their ex's) slapping me, to another who was very conservative so I never came out to them, basically trying to get me naked and having their way with me right there, but again, what happens is a reaction from them happens, then either I leave the location where it happens back to my ship room/hotel, go to another location with my friend, my ex/friend joins us then when something of a sexual nature starts to happen I wake.
  Im a little confused really, as the people who I encounter in the dream whom I came out too and were supportive generally are angry or feel betrayed, the ones who I have never told/come out too are supportive, but I never find out more.
 I am also finding myself looking more and more at things like fashion, and wondering what would stuff look like on me, how would look if certain body areas were different, and also I am seriously considering permanent hair removal to make certain areas of my body less maintenance intensive, to make the process of dressing easier.
 Another dream I  have had re-occur lately has been a wedding scene where again I am in the wedding dress, real boobs, long hair etc, and again the main variant is who is at the other end of the isle, when I get to the church, the dream starts with me waking up on the morning of my wedding, my girlfriends are my bridesmaids, there have been some variations as to whom the bridesmaids are, but my maid of honour is a trans friend who was the first I came out too, and has been nothing but supportive of me, and the whole morning of getting ready to go.
  My dad has always been the one giving me away, and as we get to the church (its always a church) and start the walk down the isle, most of the time greeting me has been another dress, and on the odd occasion a tux, sometimes the tux has a male in it, sometimes it has a girl in it, but I can only see through a veil, and when I get to the altar, and the other person lifts the veil, again I wake up.
 The one other variant of this has been I am at the altar wearing a tux, but underneath the tux I am wearing gorgeous wedding lingerie all in white, stockings, garter, suspender belt, panties, a bra, & cami, but I am presenting to the outside world as male while relishing the lingerie underneath. my groomsmen are all trans girls, and the bride is female most of the time.
I guess next time I see my counsellor I will bring these re-occurring dreams up and see what they have to say.
I in every day life have started to wear nail polish all the time on my hands, even at work where I have support of the management, and one of my workmates has been most encouraging, to the point of daring me to wear a full face makeup in one day... I am sooo tempted to do that, but I am not sure how management or customers would feel about that one.
Just a little confusing

Its been a tough year

I have not posted this year as much as I wanted to because being a part time girl who is questioning if I should stay part time, or go further has taken a bit of a toll on me, but also due to every day things such as work and my daily boy life, I have had little opportunities this year to actually spend much time as Tia..
  I have also put my femme side on hold a bit as earlier in the year I got some really bad news from family, in that a family member who I am extremely close too got some pretty shocking and sad medical news that has put a lot of things planned on hold as we deal with this as a family.
  That said, with 2017 drawing to a close, I do hope 2018 will bring a better one ;)

Tia

It's been ages..

Hiya again lovelies,   I know it has been ages since I posted anything, and I feel pretty bad about it, but hopefully this will change going forwards and I will post more as my road keeps going forward.

  Part of my lack of posting is that I haven't really dressed a whole lot, partly because I am going through a patch where when I dress, I feel content, relaxed and all is right with the world, and dread leaving my fem side for the real world, so instead of dressing ive left Tia hanging in the wardrobe while ive battled with a couple of personal issues, and also the issue of do I want Tia to be more than an occasional part of me.

  Let me mention right now a dream that for a long time was a very occasional reoccurring dream, that over the last few months has become a lot more frequent and vivid in detail.

  Since the dream first started, its been looking out through the eyes of a bride getting ready on her big day to walking down the isle,  but initially it was very brief, and lots of detail was missing, and when walking down the isle it stopped about 3 steps away from the other person.  But over the last couple of months especially it has become very very explicit in the detail and the fact that the bride is me.

  Right down to the colour of my nails and little details.  My something borrowed are the white satin 3" Heels with ankle straps, something blue is my toe nails, white stockings with a gorgeous white satin 6 strap suspender belt, white lace French cut panties and white satin corset, with my real boobs comfortably in the cups.  This is pretty much the dress but as I'm a plus size girl the dress pretty  much would taper out from the hips.

   The veil has a super gorgeous tiara with crystals embellished, across the top. my makeup is very gorgeously understated and my hair is a gorgeous auburn colour.

  I walk down the isle, my 3 bridesmaids are wearing bridesmaids dresses,  and the party at the other end of isle and SHE is gorgeous, a satin dress as well, but hers is black, with a white bodice and black bolero on, her bridesmaids are in similar dresses, and the venue is a beautiful country garden.  

  I walk down the isle, the ceremony happens, we get to the kiss part of the ceremony, she lifts my veil and kiss my now wife, then we head back down the isle together. Skip forward a couple of hours and we are in our suite at the reception venue, I take my shoes off, get out of my dress, and swap it for a white evening gown and taller heels, but before I can put my dress on, my wife comes out of the bathroom and in her lingerie and we end up on the bed making out.  I should point out now that my wife like me is a trans girl.
  I have some massive things to sort out...

Hiya my lovelies

Hello there my lovelies, and thank you for visiting my blog.

This is my little slice of the World Wide Web and just a little view into my life.
For the most part I live as a guy, I work, play sport, do blokey things and enjoy life, but an increasing part of my life I also enjoy letting my feminine and softer side out to life as my girl self Tia.
  A little background about me, Ive always been less than totally manly, while other boys my age were very mechanical and loved pulling things apart to fix and see how they worked, I was pursuing activities like sewing and arts.

Ive always been comfortable around girls as friends, I was more than happy to play with girls growing up and even being one of the girls.  As I hit my teen years, like most CD's,  and other Trans girls, I found my mothers pantyhose drawer, and also her lingerie drawer and found out how lovely and soft it all was and how comfortable it was to wear them.
  I progressed from stealing opportunities to wear what was around the house to finding things in opshops or buying from the supermarket a among things I was buying.
 Of course I got caught, and pleaded that it was just a phase and it meant nothing, but after a couple of months I was back at it, just with better hiding places.
 In my early 20's I was living with housemates, so it became very very difficult to not only dress, but also to get clothes and hide them.
 I also went through a couple of relationships and of course could never tell the people I was dating about my femme side, of course those relationships never lasted, and a little over 6 years ago I moved to a place of my own, and Tia has blossomed.
I now have a wardrobe and chest of drawers for Tia.
Tia hasn't been far from the safety of my flat, but she is sprouting wings and getting out more.
 This blog I hope will be a diary of my evolution from closet queen to gurl about town :)