I have been quiet but..

 I know I know... I've been slacking on the posting, but as for lots of us, everyday life has been getting in the way of Emma getting more time. 
  I am still seeing my MHP every couple of weeks, and it has been very positive in helping me become more settled in myself, but also being able to cope with outside stresses. 

  One of the biggest stresses i have been carrying is coming out.  Yes i for the most part am not out to friends/family/work as the stress of what could happen and job security could become quite lacking. 

  One of the things that has been part of my bi-weekly sessions with my MHP has been building a plan for coming out, and even though it seems counter intuitive, the plan has been built with coming out in stages. Starting with Family and ending somewhere down the road instead of just coming out in one swing to everyone. 
  Part of this staged coming out is because not everyone i know needs to know right now, as the ones who are i do not see/hang out/talk to with consistency are not the most important people to know.  Also some of those who will find out later on down the line i cannot trust to hold information to themselves and may leak the news to people who have no need or right to know. 
 
  Another part is some of these people will see such an announcement as it being my whole identity, where being in the rainbow communities as not only Bi, but in the Trans community as well are parts of who i am, but not the definition of who i am. 

   In the last week, i have started the Family part of the roadmap by making a call to my one sibling. 
 I have been avoiding getting the process started as a huge part of my brain was constantly shouting the negatives of what if they do not accept, what if they tell me to F... Off and never talk to them again which would absolutely destroy me as i only have the one sibling, and we are close. 
   BUT thankfully that never happened. They responded with Oh ok, is that all, what ever, as long as you are happy in yourself then whatever, your my brother whatever i will love you no matter what which made me break down and have a damn good cry, especially when they told me that they and their partner were
at an event but me talking to was more important, i did let them know that they could tell their partner as the questions would have been asked as i am not normally a phone caller.
  Later on in the night i got text messages from both of them re-affirming their support and love, and thar no matter what family is family and the love will always be there.
 So step 1 has been a success and next step is to my Dad... And this one scares me even more than the sibling as Dad is the sole surviving parent, and i am as close if not closer with dad than the sib, but knowing that the sib is behind me gives me some more confidence in being able to come out to Dad, but this is down the road a little ways to give me time to come down off the high of takign that big step.

In other news, i managed to get some time off work, and let Emma out a little. I managed to do some shopping, and bought some new boots.. but also get out of the house during the day dressed, even if only into the driveway to take a couple of pics, there are still properties around us that can see into the driveway

Some big progress..

 I know its been a little while since i last posted, but a lot has happened...

After the last post with makeup pics, i have made it a mission to spend time practicing my makeup, but also trying to get some Emma time, and that has been pretty successful i would say, but pretty expensive, as dressing more, has inevitably led to more shopping, but also interacting with others as well. 

 I have a book of face page, ive had it for a really long time, and have become online friends, and chatted with a whole heap of other Crossdressers and trans women.
  Also with the help of my previously mentioned Mental Health Professional, all the talk of these online friends, and also my need for time away from work, led to a trip away to Christchurch for a few days, part of the trip on the advice of my councilor, was to explore a few things on my own, and after many a chat with friends, Emma had a social event to attend, this also meant that Emma was going to have to go out, and be seen in public. which while very nerve wracking, was also liberating in a way.

   So after packing 8 days worth of outfits for a 3 night trip, i was off and out of town heading for Christchurch and a date with the outside world. So on unpacking and hanging my clothes in the closet at the motel, i realised that the outfits i brought from home for going out suddenly did not really appeal to me,  this meant a shopping trip, and in a city where the likelihood of running into someone i know from my daily life was slim, i headed off to one of the bigger malls, and decided to wander and hope for some inspiration. 
 I had been looking at the store City Chic online for a long time, and on seeing the physical store, i spent a few moments looking at my phone pretending to try to find something, when in fact i was gathering courage, i walked into the store, in male mode, T-shirt, Shorts, Trainers and a cap, and started just browsing, without looking for anything in particular.  
  After a couple of minutes, one of the sale staff approached and asked if i was looking for anything in particular, and i went with it, said i was going out the next evening, and needed a new dress, and away we went, after working out what style i wanted, and several options later, i was in the fitting room, to try on them on... a new and nerve wracking experience that was made so much easier by the accepting staff, and also a couple of random shoppers when i stepped out of the dressing room to show the staff the dress and boots i ended up purchasing, which in turn gave me the confidence to wander shops and just browse looking at dresses, skirts, tops and whatever else took my fancy. 

Day 2 found me wandering more malls looking for whatever, but also with a time crunch so that i was back at the motel to get ready for my first public appearence in over a decade.  
     After using nearly all of the 3 hours i had to get ready, i headed off to dinner after meeting and being picked up by one of the girls who helped organize the event. I was a little nervous having to walk out of the motel unit and past most of the complex to meet Candi and her wife Donna, who graciously gave me a ride. 
  Dinner where I got to finally meet Ellie, another long time internet friend, and over the next 3 hours, we had a wonderful dinner with great conversation, and good food and beverage. 

Fast forward a couple of months and another trip to Christchurch for a night out with Ellie & Candi, and this time dinner in the heart of the city then a Pride event, the resturant was a short walk from the event venue, and being Daylight Saving Time here in NZ, and walking from the car to dinner, then to the show, it was pretty well still daylight, but one thing that was pretty cool was despite lots of people out enjoying an evening out, there were no negative comments overheard.

 The event post dinner involved a walk back to the venue, and again lots of people transiting and no comments, the event was a pride event hosted by one of the main political parties here in NZ's rainbow section in Christchurch, a DJ, and 3 Drag Queens performed, although each queen only did one song then they were out the door which was very disappointing, and the crowd followed them out the door.
  So thankful i have been able to do these little trips and made some good friends out of it. 

Roll on the next event and trip

A second post in as many weeks..

 Well this is a bit different...  Multiple posts in a month.

    Well Emma has taken a step forward, i have recently started with a Mental Health professional over a couple of things going on in my brain that i need to figure out and how to deal with a few things, one being Emma.  
   Emma took a giant leap out during the first session, and my MHP was amazing, asking a few questions and giving some advice that ive taken to heart. 
  Firstly give Emma some time to shine, even if it was something small like a quick makeup and to set some time to do it.  On their advice I managed to do exactly that over the last weekend, which  ended up going through the wardrobe and putting on a couple of outfits and loving it.

   So whats a girl to do when feeling fabulous.. take pictures hahah
These are the first pictures of Emma in at least 18 months that have not had some form of AI help with makeup, it was so refreshing to be happy with my quick and dirty makeup, so much so i am planning on another session very very soon, with the aim of getting out into the world.

Oh My G... its been nearly 3 1/2 years

 3 1/2 years since i last posted anything, in that time Tia has evolved to Emma, but not many chances to actually get dressed up and spend time enfemme. 
  In that time, what has happened has been a lot of working and stress, so much so that i have sought out the help of a mental health professional to try and understand a whole bunch of things going on inside my head. 
  One of those things has been a bunch of recourring dreams that basically involve me doing lots of regular normal things, but with a nice set of real boobs, and femme all the time and no one ats an eyelid. 
 Some of those regular things have been going to airshows or other events with family and friends and nothing changes, some of the ones that have really made me wonder have been the ones where i am on vacation with a bunch of my girl friends, some ex's from years ago, others with some of the amazing online Trans and CD friends where we are exploring somewhere tropical, or a cruise ship. 
 Another dream that has variations is a wedding, ive been a guest in a nice dress with a femme partner, ive been the 'groom' in a gorgeous black dress with some trans friends and my real life best friend as my best man, watching a gorgeous woman come down the isle, but when she gets close is when i wake up. 
  The other variation to this has been ive been the bride, and the groom is femme as well, but the dress is a classic design, and looking back through some old family photos, it turns out to be a modern take on my mothers wedding dress...  
   but good thing is my mental health professional doesnt seem to want to put me on mood levelling meds, and has encouraged me to actually take some girl time and explore it more.

Cant wait to see the back of 2020

 Well 2020 is almost done and like the vast majority of planet earth, i cant wait for it to be gone and 2021 to arrive.

 I hope 2021 sees Tia getting more time and getting out into the world.

 Ive been keeping busy with a lot of things very much not feminine, including a model rail hobby that has seen me start to build my own locomotives and rolling stock from kits. 
 My current living situation means i do not have the room to build and run my own layout, but i am a member of the local model engineering society and can use their OO/HO and N scale layouts. 

 I really should post more here and maybe even show off some of the models i am/have built this year.

Its been nearly a  year since I posted... hmmm I  must start doing more to post here.
  My year has been difficult, with my living situation I am not able to dress as freely as I used to, and I miss being able to come home and swap outer clothes from the menswear I have to wear to work for a nice pair of hose, a bra and dress, and to get some makeup and wig on.
  But on the flip side, I enjoy having a housemate to talk to and do social things with so I dress on the few days off work when my housemate is at work, which are few and far between.
  hopefully I get a chance to let Tia out in a few weeks as here in NZ we have been so far successful in stopping COVID-19, and I will finally get to take some time off work

More questions...

Once again, the posts are few and far between, and life is still getting in the way of me being Tia.
  Since my last post, the dreams have pretty much stayed on the same vanes, but a couple of times in the wedding one, especially when I am in the dress, I have managed to see who is on the other side of the veil and it has been the same person each time.  The amazing woman I first came out too, instead of being my maid of honour has been the one waiting at the altar for me, its a  little surprising to me since she is or was as I found out recently in a relationship and had been very happy.  Since I found out that she is single again, she has featured in more of my dreams...  a sign maybe???
   Any way, once again I sit with questions about me, my counsellor took the dreams as just that, dreams of a person who has been single a long time, and not really much to think about, although the fact I was the majority female did lead to asking more questions about my dressing and things, and when I said it had been months since I had a chance to fully dress, they did seem to think that its my subconscious trying to express the girl side of me.
  Once again on the personal side of things, I was away on vacation with family at Easter,with a plan to come out to my family at the end of the trip, but this all changed mid way through as my dad came down sick and ended up spending 2 days in hospital in the town where we were visiting, not a pleasant time at all, the docs diagnosed pancreatitis which is scary, and we got home after 2 days travelling, 2 days later dad was admitted to hospital, and has not left since, it has been a really stressful time, with dads pancreatitis being inflamed by gall stones, which have now been removed along with his gall bladder, but the docs have also said there is a chance he may need another operation or 2 to completely remove the infection related materials from his body.
  This has triggered my nervous and stress habit of picking and biting my nails, which now look bloody awful and have not had polish on them for a while much to my disappointment.
  The one thing that has been keeping me a little grounded is that apart from a few pairs of male underwear for sports, and going out with non aware friends, I wear girls underwear pretty much 6 days a week. Very comforting, and it helps me to relax a little, but I still look at other women and wonder how I would look wearing a particular dress or outfit, but then a few times I wonder is this all worth it and do I just put everything fem into bags and donate to charity.....
   More questions as always, and I am wondering if I will ever get the right time to come out to my family......