A second post in as many weeks..

 Well this is a bit different...  Multiple posts in a month.

    Well Emma has taken a step forward, i have recently started with a Mental Health professional over a couple of things going on in my brain that i need to figure out and how to deal with a few things, one being Emma.  
   Emma took a giant leap out during the first session, and my MHP was amazing, asking a few questions and giving some advice that ive taken to heart. 
  Firstly give Emma some time to shine, even if it was something small like a quick makeup and to set some time to do it.  On their advice I managed to do exactly that over the last weekend, which  ended up going through the wardrobe and putting on a couple of outfits and loving it.

   So whats a girl to do when feeling fabulous.. take pictures hahah
These are the first pictures of Emma in at least 18 months that have not had some form of AI help with makeup, it was so refreshing to be happy with my quick and dirty makeup, so much so i am planning on another session very very soon, with the aim of getting out into the world.

Oh My G... its been nearly 3 1/2 years

 3 1/2 years since i last posted anything, in that time Tia has evolved to Emma, but not many chances to actually get dressed up and spend time enfemme. 
  In that time, what has happened has been a lot of working and stress, so much so that i have sought out the help of a mental health professional to try and understand a whole bunch of things going on inside my head. 
  One of those things has been a bunch of recourring dreams that basically involve me doing lots of regular normal things, but with a nice set of real boobs, and femme all the time and no one ats an eyelid. 
 Some of those regular things have been going to airshows or other events with family and friends and nothing changes, some of the ones that have really made me wonder have been the ones where i am on vacation with a bunch of my girl friends, some ex's from years ago, others with some of the amazing online Trans and CD friends where we are exploring somewhere tropical, or a cruise ship. 
 Another dream that has variations is a wedding, ive been a guest in a nice dress with a femme partner, ive been the 'groom' in a gorgeous black dress with some trans friends and my real life best friend as my best man, watching a gorgeous woman come down the isle, but when she gets close is when i wake up. 
  The other variation to this has been ive been the bride, and the groom is femme as well, but the dress is a classic design, and looking back through some old family photos, it turns out to be a modern take on my mothers wedding dress...  
   but good thing is my mental health professional doesnt seem to want to put me on mood levelling meds, and has encouraged me to actually take some girl time and explore it more.

Cant wait to see the back of 2020

 Well 2020 is almost done and like the vast majority of planet earth, i cant wait for it to be gone and 2021 to arrive.

 I hope 2021 sees Tia getting more time and getting out into the world.

 Ive been keeping busy with a lot of things very much not feminine, including a model rail hobby that has seen me start to build my own locomotives and rolling stock from kits. 
 My current living situation means i do not have the room to build and run my own layout, but i am a member of the local model engineering society and can use their OO/HO and N scale layouts. 

 I really should post more here and maybe even show off some of the models i am/have built this year.

Its been nearly a  year since I posted... hmmm I  must start doing more to post here.
  My year has been difficult, with my living situation I am not able to dress as freely as I used to, and I miss being able to come home and swap outer clothes from the menswear I have to wear to work for a nice pair of hose, a bra and dress, and to get some makeup and wig on.
  But on the flip side, I enjoy having a housemate to talk to and do social things with so I dress on the few days off work when my housemate is at work, which are few and far between.
  hopefully I get a chance to let Tia out in a few weeks as here in NZ we have been so far successful in stopping COVID-19, and I will finally get to take some time off work

More questions...

Once again, the posts are few and far between, and life is still getting in the way of me being Tia.
  Since my last post, the dreams have pretty much stayed on the same vanes, but a couple of times in the wedding one, especially when I am in the dress, I have managed to see who is on the other side of the veil and it has been the same person each time.  The amazing woman I first came out too, instead of being my maid of honour has been the one waiting at the altar for me, its a  little surprising to me since she is or was as I found out recently in a relationship and had been very happy.  Since I found out that she is single again, she has featured in more of my dreams...  a sign maybe???
   Any way, once again I sit with questions about me, my counsellor took the dreams as just that, dreams of a person who has been single a long time, and not really much to think about, although the fact I was the majority female did lead to asking more questions about my dressing and things, and when I said it had been months since I had a chance to fully dress, they did seem to think that its my subconscious trying to express the girl side of me.
  Once again on the personal side of things, I was away on vacation with family at Easter,with a plan to come out to my family at the end of the trip, but this all changed mid way through as my dad came down sick and ended up spending 2 days in hospital in the town where we were visiting, not a pleasant time at all, the docs diagnosed pancreatitis which is scary, and we got home after 2 days travelling, 2 days later dad was admitted to hospital, and has not left since, it has been a really stressful time, with dads pancreatitis being inflamed by gall stones, which have now been removed along with his gall bladder, but the docs have also said there is a chance he may need another operation or 2 to completely remove the infection related materials from his body.
  This has triggered my nervous and stress habit of picking and biting my nails, which now look bloody awful and have not had polish on them for a while much to my disappointment.
  The one thing that has been keeping me a little grounded is that apart from a few pairs of male underwear for sports, and going out with non aware friends, I wear girls underwear pretty much 6 days a week. Very comforting, and it helps me to relax a little, but I still look at other women and wonder how I would look wearing a particular dress or outfit, but then a few times I wonder is this all worth it and do I just put everything fem into bags and donate to charity.....
   More questions as always, and I am wondering if I will ever get the right time to come out to my family......

Further Questioning

Well, 2018 is nearly done and dusted and its been a bit rubbish for me.
 I haven't been able to dress anywhere as much as I want/need to as in early March my landlord announced a rental increase that made my neat little solo apartment unaffordable, but in a way it also came at a good time as a good friend bought a place so I moved in there, the downside is that instead of having an apartment to myself where I could leave clothes, shoes etc out all the time, I can no longer do that as my housemate I am pretty sure is unaware that I dress.
  Next downer for the year was my mom passing away, we knew for a long time that it was going to happen when she was diagnosed with MND in early 2017, but it happened a lot faster than we expected and I still have days where I miss her greatly and wish I had been able to tell her about my femme side before she passed.
   Now that the tough bits are out of the way, I have been having some really weird and interesting dreams lately, and I feel I need to write the basic plot line down and share.  
I have been single now for the best part of a decade, sure I have had a few flings and met a lot of people in that time, but nothing has lasted beyond either white hot lust or it simmered in to instant friendship or just never got going. While disappointing, its also been ok as those people obviously haven't come in and out of my life for a reason.
  The basic premise of the dream I have been having in one form or another now for a number of months is I am on vacation somewhere, but I am femme, I am definitely me, but I have most obvious breasts and some extra padding in the tush, but it is me. The locations have varied from a tropical island, to cities like NYC or Melbourne in Australia,  the UK, but the basic theme has always been I am feminine, the other part has always been that I am with other Trans/CD friends, and while part of these groups, be it lying on the beach, an ex, or friend has gone past me and looked, then very quickly come back and asked are you related to my male self, or you look just like an ex I dated or guy a knew.  Which leads to a slightly awkward actually I am (boy name) or used to be, I now...
 From this point there have been a few variations, such as an ex partner who I came out too before we broke up (we broke up because I found they were sleeping with another of their ex's) slapping me, to another who was very conservative so I never came out to them, basically trying to get me naked and having their way with me right there, but again, what happens is a reaction from them happens, then either I leave the location where it happens back to my ship room/hotel, go to another location with my friend, my ex/friend joins us then when something of a sexual nature starts to happen I wake.
  Im a little confused really, as the people who I encounter in the dream whom I came out too and were supportive generally are angry or feel betrayed, the ones who I have never told/come out too are supportive, but I never find out more.
 I am also finding myself looking more and more at things like fashion, and wondering what would stuff look like on me, how would look if certain body areas were different, and also I am seriously considering permanent hair removal to make certain areas of my body less maintenance intensive, to make the process of dressing easier.
 Another dream I  have had re-occur lately has been a wedding scene where again I am in the wedding dress, real boobs, long hair etc, and again the main variant is who is at the other end of the isle, when I get to the church, the dream starts with me waking up on the morning of my wedding, my girlfriends are my bridesmaids, there have been some variations as to whom the bridesmaids are, but my maid of honour is a trans friend who was the first I came out too, and has been nothing but supportive of me, and the whole morning of getting ready to go.
  My dad has always been the one giving me away, and as we get to the church (its always a church) and start the walk down the isle, most of the time greeting me has been another dress, and on the odd occasion a tux, sometimes the tux has a male in it, sometimes it has a girl in it, but I can only see through a veil, and when I get to the altar, and the other person lifts the veil, again I wake up.
 The one other variant of this has been I am at the altar wearing a tux, but underneath the tux I am wearing gorgeous wedding lingerie all in white, stockings, garter, suspender belt, panties, a bra, & cami, but I am presenting to the outside world as male while relishing the lingerie underneath. my groomsmen are all trans girls, and the bride is female most of the time.
I guess next time I see my counsellor I will bring these re-occurring dreams up and see what they have to say.
I in every day life have started to wear nail polish all the time on my hands, even at work where I have support of the management, and one of my workmates has been most encouraging, to the point of daring me to wear a full face makeup in one day... I am sooo tempted to do that, but I am not sure how management or customers would feel about that one.
Just a little confusing

Its been a tough year

I have not posted this year as much as I wanted to because being a part time girl who is questioning if I should stay part time, or go further has taken a bit of a toll on me, but also due to every day things such as work and my daily boy life, I have had little opportunities this year to actually spend much time as Tia..
  I have also put my femme side on hold a bit as earlier in the year I got some really bad news from family, in that a family member who I am extremely close too got some pretty shocking and sad medical news that has put a lot of things planned on hold as we deal with this as a family.
  That said, with 2017 drawing to a close, I do hope 2018 will bring a better one ;)

Tia