2026 well underway and some not so small things are happening a quick catchup

This post should have happened a loooong time ago, but better late than never...

One of the biggest things as the year got underway was the self-applied pressure to come out to my dad.

I have spoken with counselor multiple times about this, and we came to the conclusion that don't rush it, let it develop and carry on with conversations, and to carry on if conversations head the way of rainbow communities, start planting some seeds during these conversations.

Not a lot happened, worked a lot, deal with a medical issue that includes some wonderful associated pain, that included 2 visits to the ER over Waitangi Weekend in 36hrs

After much talking to myself and my counsellor, including planting of seeds during conversations during our weekly lunch get togethers i had worked the courage up to talk with dad about coming out as not only Bi, but also Trans. I made the decision to do this over Easter while at the Warbirds over Wanaka show, and despite the show being majorly altered with due to the Persian Gulf conflict, and the associated price spike of fuels the Militaries who were to attend and display pulled out at late notice, and the weather being the coldest ever... I was so thankful for packing my comfy thick women's active wear to keep warm

The show was still one of the best shows, even if really cold.

The day i was going to tell dad, we were walking on the show grounds, and i had to stop and pause the plan to re-evaluate as a couple of comments got passed observing people including some LGBTQI families that were not in positive light. I made comments in support of those people so happily living their truths that washed over dad.

On talking with my counselor about this and how i felt in the aftermath of such comments, the anxiety of coming out and the fear of dad rejecting me was starting to infect my thoughts more, I am sooooo thankful for the many chats with an amazing new friend in CHCH who has become such an amazing confidante and sounding board for my concerns and the ability to offer advice and different ways to approach things.

May/June

Life carries on, trips to town shopping, and more confidence of going shopping for women's wear and beauty products and actually shopping, rather than rush into a store, find something in my size grabbing, paying and leaving, Ive started taking the time to look, find what i like and also enjoying the shopping experience.

After another trip to ER due to complications with my stone, and as i rolled into June, having once again offering a rebuttal to a comment dad made about a trans woman who was enjoying the company of an adult child one day at lunch, and some more reflection and discussions with Rohanna, a way to expose a bit more of me was to purchase some subtle pride pieces, something like a small pin maybe, so i went looking and found a neat reversible wristband so i ordered them, and since late May, ive worn at very least the wristband, and a small pin. I wore these for a couple of weeks, and one week dad asked what i had on my sweater, and he was happy with the oh, just a couple of small pins, but it was then i made the decision i was doing it. Dad had to know!

I had also booked some time off work and planned a trip to see the girls in CHCH and do some shopping with the intention of spending a day or too as what has rapidly become what I realize as my true self.

Much like last year when it just got to a point and i came out to my brother and his partner, it happened with telling dad.

Wednesday 17^th June was the day my world got a bit brighter, I had had a great day at work and made a decision that i had to do it, the only question was do i call like i did with my brother, or a messenger message.
After much deliberation, a message had to be sent, so sitting on my bed, and taking about 45 minutes – 1hr to craft the message i sent it at 11:53pm and tried to sleep knowing i was meant to see him for lunch and wondering if he would show up as normal, or send a message saying he couldn't make it. So when dad walked in to work as normal, i knew it was not the worst thing that could happen, we chatted as normal over lunch talking about all the things we normally talk about, and on the way back to work he said, I got your message this morning, and i read it a couple of times, and he said he loved me, and that while it wasn't how he imagined my life going, and he didn't understand the whole thing, if i am happy, then be happy. He also did say that if this had been done in previous 3+ years, things would not have been this way and i probably would have not much of a relationship with him.
So that was a massive plus ahead of going away. He asked a couple of really good questions about where it was heading, and honestly i told him that i intend to female to be what i see as the authentic me. I joked that my trips to Christchurch over the last couple of years were to do exactly that, get to spend time as me in female clothes doing daily things without the stress and anxiety of being recognized and outed by people i know either socially or through work, and that things like going to buy a computer or just getting out of town to visit friends were convenient cover stories that happened to be true, and dad pretty much said, he knew there was more to the sudden decision to start going to Christchurch regularly with thin sounding reasons, and that he had suspected, as i on my male social media had a number of Trans friends.

So that has been pretty amazing, out to close family, and an upcoming trip to Christchurch to catch up with friends, and spend Emma time was upcoming, and what trip that was in the end!

I have been quiet but..

 I know I know... I've been slacking on the posting, but as for lots of us, everyday life has been getting in the way of Emma getting more time. 
  I am still seeing my MHP every couple of weeks, and it has been very positive in helping me become more settled in myself, but also being able to cope with outside stresses. 

  One of the biggest stresses i have been carrying is coming out.  Yes i for the most part am not out to friends/family/work as the stress of what could happen and job security could become quite lacking. 

  One of the things that has been part of my bi-weekly sessions with my MHP has been building a plan for coming out, and even though it seems counter intuitive, the plan has been built with coming out in stages. Starting with Family and ending somewhere down the road instead of just coming out in one swing to everyone. 
  Part of this staged coming out is because not everyone i know needs to know right now, as the ones who are i do not see/hang out/talk to with consistency are not the most important people to know.  Also some of those who will find out later on down the line i cannot trust to hold information to themselves and may leak the news to people who have no need or right to know. 
 
  Another part is some of these people will see such an announcement as it being my whole identity, where being in the rainbow communities as not only Bi, but in the Trans community as well are parts of who i am, but not the definition of who i am. 

   In the last week, i have started the Family part of the roadmap by making a call to my one sibling. 
 I have been avoiding getting the process started as a huge part of my brain was constantly shouting the negatives of what if they do not accept, what if they tell me to F... Off and never talk to them again which would absolutely destroy me as i only have the one sibling, and we are close. 
   BUT thankfully that never happened. They responded with Oh ok, is that all, what ever, as long as you are happy in yourself then whatever, your my brother whatever i will love you no matter what which made me break down and have a damn good cry, especially when they told me that they and their partner were
at an event but me talking to was more important, i did let them know that they could tell their partner as the questions would have been asked as i am not normally a phone caller.
  Later on in the night i got text messages from both of them re-affirming their support and love, and thar no matter what family is family and the love will always be there.
 So step 1 has been a success and next step is to my Dad... And this one scares me even more than the sibling as Dad is the sole surviving parent, and i am as close if not closer with dad than the sib, but knowing that the sib is behind me gives me some more confidence in being able to come out to Dad, but this is down the road a little ways to give me time to come down off the high of takign that big step.

In other news, i managed to get some time off work, and let Emma out a little. I managed to do some shopping, and bought some new boots.. but also get out of the house during the day dressed, even if only into the driveway to take a couple of pics, there are still properties around us that can see into the driveway

Some big progress..

 I know its been a little while since i last posted, but a lot has happened...

After the last post with makeup pics, i have made it a mission to spend time practicing my makeup, but also trying to get some Emma time, and that has been pretty successful i would say, but pretty expensive, as dressing more, has inevitably led to more shopping, but also interacting with others as well. 

 I have a book of face page, ive had it for a really long time, and have become online friends, and chatted with a whole heap of other Crossdressers and trans women.
  Also with the help of my previously mentioned Mental Health Professional, all the talk of these online friends, and also my need for time away from work, led to a trip away to Christchurch for a few days, part of the trip on the advice of my councilor, was to explore a few things on my own, and after many a chat with friends, Emma had a social event to attend, this also meant that Emma was going to have to go out, and be seen in public. which while very nerve wracking, was also liberating in a way.

   So after packing 8 days worth of outfits for a 3 night trip, i was off and out of town heading for Christchurch and a date with the outside world. So on unpacking and hanging my clothes in the closet at the motel, i realised that the outfits i brought from home for going out suddenly did not really appeal to me,  this meant a shopping trip, and in a city where the likelihood of running into someone i know from my daily life was slim, i headed off to one of the bigger malls, and decided to wander and hope for some inspiration. 
 I had been looking at the store City Chic online for a long time, and on seeing the physical store, i spent a few moments looking at my phone pretending to try to find something, when in fact i was gathering courage, i walked into the store, in male mode, T-shirt, Shorts, Trainers and a cap, and started just browsing, without looking for anything in particular.  
  After a couple of minutes, one of the sale staff approached and asked if i was looking for anything in particular, and i went with it, said i was going out the next evening, and needed a new dress, and away we went, after working out what style i wanted, and several options later, i was in the fitting room, to try on them on... a new and nerve wracking experience that was made so much easier by the accepting staff, and also a couple of random shoppers when i stepped out of the dressing room to show the staff the dress and boots i ended up purchasing, which in turn gave me the confidence to wander shops and just browse looking at dresses, skirts, tops and whatever else took my fancy. 

Day 2 found me wandering more malls looking for whatever, but also with a time crunch so that i was back at the motel to get ready for my first public appearence in over a decade.  
     After using nearly all of the 3 hours i had to get ready, i headed off to dinner after meeting and being picked up by one of the girls who helped organize the event. I was a little nervous having to walk out of the motel unit and past most of the complex to meet Candi and her wife Donna, who graciously gave me a ride. 
  Dinner where I got to finally meet Ellie, another long time internet friend, and over the next 3 hours, we had a wonderful dinner with great conversation, and good food and beverage. 

Fast forward a couple of months and another trip to Christchurch for a night out with Ellie & Candi, and this time dinner in the heart of the city then a Pride event, the resturant was a short walk from the event venue, and being Daylight Saving Time here in NZ, and walking from the car to dinner, then to the show, it was pretty well still daylight, but one thing that was pretty cool was despite lots of people out enjoying an evening out, there were no negative comments overheard.

 The event post dinner involved a walk back to the venue, and again lots of people transiting and no comments, the event was a pride event hosted by one of the main political parties here in NZ's rainbow section in Christchurch, a DJ, and 3 Drag Queens performed, although each queen only did one song then they were out the door which was very disappointing, and the crowd followed them out the door.
  So thankful i have been able to do these little trips and made some good friends out of it. 

Roll on the next event and trip

A second post in as many weeks..

 Well this is a bit different...  Multiple posts in a month.

    Well Emma has taken a step forward, i have recently started with a Mental Health professional over a couple of things going on in my brain that i need to figure out and how to deal with a few things, one being Emma.  
   Emma took a giant leap out during the first session, and my MHP was amazing, asking a few questions and giving some advice that ive taken to heart. 
  Firstly give Emma some time to shine, even if it was something small like a quick makeup and to set some time to do it.  On their advice I managed to do exactly that over the last weekend, which  ended up going through the wardrobe and putting on a couple of outfits and loving it.

   So whats a girl to do when feeling fabulous.. take pictures hahah
These are the first pictures of Emma in at least 18 months that have not had some form of AI help with makeup, it was so refreshing to be happy with my quick and dirty makeup, so much so i am planning on another session very very soon, with the aim of getting out into the world.

Oh My G... its been nearly 3 1/2 years

 3 1/2 years since i last posted anything, in that time Tia has evolved to Emma, but not many chances to actually get dressed up and spend time enfemme. 
  In that time, what has happened has been a lot of working and stress, so much so that i have sought out the help of a mental health professional to try and understand a whole bunch of things going on inside my head. 
  One of those things has been a bunch of recourring dreams that basically involve me doing lots of regular normal things, but with a nice set of real boobs, and femme all the time and no one ats an eyelid. 
 Some of those regular things have been going to airshows or other events with family and friends and nothing changes, some of the ones that have really made me wonder have been the ones where i am on vacation with a bunch of my girl friends, some ex's from years ago, others with some of the amazing online Trans and CD friends where we are exploring somewhere tropical, or a cruise ship. 
 Another dream that has variations is a wedding, ive been a guest in a nice dress with a femme partner, ive been the 'groom' in a gorgeous black dress with some trans friends and my real life best friend as my best man, watching a gorgeous woman come down the isle, but when she gets close is when i wake up. 
  The other variation to this has been ive been the bride, and the groom is femme as well, but the dress is a classic design, and looking back through some old family photos, it turns out to be a modern take on my mothers wedding dress...  
   but good thing is my mental health professional doesnt seem to want to put me on mood levelling meds, and has encouraged me to actually take some girl time and explore it more.

Cant wait to see the back of 2020

 Well 2020 is almost done and like the vast majority of planet earth, i cant wait for it to be gone and 2021 to arrive.

 I hope 2021 sees Tia getting more time and getting out into the world.

 Ive been keeping busy with a lot of things very much not feminine, including a model rail hobby that has seen me start to build my own locomotives and rolling stock from kits. 
 My current living situation means i do not have the room to build and run my own layout, but i am a member of the local model engineering society and can use their OO/HO and N scale layouts. 

 I really should post more here and maybe even show off some of the models i am/have built this year.

Its been nearly a  year since I posted... hmmm I  must start doing more to post here.
  My year has been difficult, with my living situation I am not able to dress as freely as I used to, and I miss being able to come home and swap outer clothes from the menswear I have to wear to work for a nice pair of hose, a bra and dress, and to get some makeup and wig on.
  But on the flip side, I enjoy having a housemate to talk to and do social things with so I dress on the few days off work when my housemate is at work, which are few and far between.
  hopefully I get a chance to let Tia out in a few weeks as here in NZ we have been so far successful in stopping COVID-19, and I will finally get to take some time off work