Further Questioning

Well, 2018 is nearly done and dusted and its been a bit rubbish for me.
 I haven't been able to dress anywhere as much as I want/need to as in early March my landlord announced a rental increase that made my neat little solo apartment unaffordable, but in a way it also came at a good time as a good friend bought a place so I moved in there, the downside is that instead of having an apartment to myself where I could leave clothes, shoes etc out all the time, I can no longer do that as my housemate I am pretty sure is unaware that I dress.
  Next downer for the year was my mom passing away, we knew for a long time that it was going to happen when she was diagnosed with MND in early 2017, but it happened a lot faster than we expected and I still have days where I miss her greatly and wish I had been able to tell her about my femme side before she passed.
   Now that the tough bits are out of the way, I have been having some really weird and interesting dreams lately, and I feel I need to write the basic plot line down and share.  
I have been single now for the best part of a decade, sure I have had a few flings and met a lot of people in that time, but nothing has lasted beyond either white hot lust or it simmered in to instant friendship or just never got going. While disappointing, its also been ok as those people obviously haven't come in and out of my life for a reason.
  The basic premise of the dream I have been having in one form or another now for a number of months is I am on vacation somewhere, but I am femme, I am definitely me, but I have most obvious breasts and some extra padding in the tush, but it is me. The locations have varied from a tropical island, to cities like NYC or Melbourne in Australia,  the UK, but the basic theme has always been I am feminine, the other part has always been that I am with other Trans/CD friends, and while part of these groups, be it lying on the beach, an ex, or friend has gone past me and looked, then very quickly come back and asked are you related to my male self, or you look just like an ex I dated or guy a knew.  Which leads to a slightly awkward actually I am (boy name) or used to be, I now...
 From this point there have been a few variations, such as an ex partner who I came out too before we broke up (we broke up because I found they were sleeping with another of their ex's) slapping me, to another who was very conservative so I never came out to them, basically trying to get me naked and having their way with me right there, but again, what happens is a reaction from them happens, then either I leave the location where it happens back to my ship room/hotel, go to another location with my friend, my ex/friend joins us then when something of a sexual nature starts to happen I wake.
  Im a little confused really, as the people who I encounter in the dream whom I came out too and were supportive generally are angry or feel betrayed, the ones who I have never told/come out too are supportive, but I never find out more.
 I am also finding myself looking more and more at things like fashion, and wondering what would stuff look like on me, how would look if certain body areas were different, and also I am seriously considering permanent hair removal to make certain areas of my body less maintenance intensive, to make the process of dressing easier.
 Another dream I  have had re-occur lately has been a wedding scene where again I am in the wedding dress, real boobs, long hair etc, and again the main variant is who is at the other end of the isle, when I get to the church, the dream starts with me waking up on the morning of my wedding, my girlfriends are my bridesmaids, there have been some variations as to whom the bridesmaids are, but my maid of honour is a trans friend who was the first I came out too, and has been nothing but supportive of me, and the whole morning of getting ready to go.
  My dad has always been the one giving me away, and as we get to the church (its always a church) and start the walk down the isle, most of the time greeting me has been another dress, and on the odd occasion a tux, sometimes the tux has a male in it, sometimes it has a girl in it, but I can only see through a veil, and when I get to the altar, and the other person lifts the veil, again I wake up.
 The one other variant of this has been I am at the altar wearing a tux, but underneath the tux I am wearing gorgeous wedding lingerie all in white, stockings, garter, suspender belt, panties, a bra, & cami, but I am presenting to the outside world as male while relishing the lingerie underneath. my groomsmen are all trans girls, and the bride is female most of the time.
I guess next time I see my counsellor I will bring these re-occurring dreams up and see what they have to say.
I in every day life have started to wear nail polish all the time on my hands, even at work where I have support of the management, and one of my workmates has been most encouraging, to the point of daring me to wear a full face makeup in one day... I am sooo tempted to do that, but I am not sure how management or customers would feel about that one.
Just a little confusing